Original limericks by Reverb Raccoon

There was a deer from Australia
Who developed a taste for azaleas
But he couldn’t find none
From Perth to Melbourne
So he caught the next plane for Georgia

Upon seeing the azaleas in bloom
The deer immediately plotted their doom
He munched dawn to dark
Stripping leaves from the bark
Til his stomach no longer had room

Then he lay on his side and complained
Of indigestion and acute gas pain
Said he, “It’s the worst
For my innards have burst
In this life I shall not remain!”

And thus the deer met Saint Peter
Just another dead over-eater
In his book the saint wrote,
“This deer’s now a ghost.
Cause of death: Azalea Fever.”

…..

Observed the Pope John Paul,
“With chapeau I am eight feet tall.
In the Vatican toilet
My privacy’s spoilt
For my hat shows o’er the top of the stall!”

…..

There was a brewer named Kevin
Whose lager was likened to Heaven
Once his yeast ran short
Yet he failed to abort
Which left Kevin’s Heaven unleavened

…..

A maiden whose yearnings were gay
Was debauched in the lesbian way
On completing the sin
The girl said to her friend
“My virginity has been miss-laid!”

…..

A cat of rural origin
Lived on a pasture’s margin
“I fear,” she prattled,
“The marauding cattle.”
So she packed up and moved to Sheboygen

…..

There was a man of poundage
Whose obesity knew no boundage
He tried to lose weight
But, alas, ’twas his fate
To remain in a state of rotoundage

…..

There was a man named Speagle
Who wished to marry a beagle
The judge said “No sir,
You can’t marry the cur.
For a wife on a leash is illegal!”

…..

My sister was living in Dover
When one night her spouse said “Roll over.”
To honor the junction
They let name follow function
The result was my nephew, Rover

…..

I knew a man from Senegal
Whose head hosted no hair a-tall
It was rumored he plucked it
Then carefully buffed it
With a mixture of varnish and Geritol

…..

There was a man who mistook
His wife for a short-order cook
She said, “You must can
Your mealtime demands,
Or for a new cook you will look!”

…..

A painter named Monet
Dropped his pallet one day
The resultant mess
Was a great success
Among those impressed by disarray