On a fine spring day, a philosopher went for a walk in the country.  As he contemplated the quaint farms and basked in the warm sunshine, his mind relaxed and he forgot the cares and strains of university life.  He considered that a rural setting would be an excellent location in which to think his philosophical thoughts and, should he happen upon a farm that was for sale, he would buy it.

As always happens in these stories, the philosopher immediately thereafter encountered a farm with a For Sale sign staked in the yard. Gazing beyond the farmhouse, the philosopher saw a beautiful apple orchard on one side of the property, and an ugly pig sty on the other side. Struck by the philosophical implications of the dichotomy, the philosopher walked onto the porch and rang the doorbell. The door opened and he was confronted by an ancient farmer who explained his operation. “It’s basically a pig farm,” he said. “But we feed the apples to the pigs to hold down feed costs.” Eager to cast apples before swine, the philosopher made an offer on the farm. He learned quickly that the farmer was of the Hegelian bent and the price was therefore non-negotiable.  But the philosopher was flush with cash, having recently been granted tenure, and happily paid the asking price.

Time passed. The farmer settled comfortably into retirement and began attending classes at the university.  One day he decided to drive out to his old farm and check on the philosopher’s agrarian progress. As he turned into the yard, he could see the philosopher in the apple orchard, engaged in an activity and surrounded by several pigs.  The farmer walked down to the orchard and, as he drew nearer, he saw that the philosopher had propped a tall ladder against one of the apple trees.  The philosopher was standing on the ladder, holding a pig up to a branch of the tree, and allowing the pig to eat an apple.  After the pig had eaten the apple, the philosopher climbed down the ladder, placed the pig on the ground, and picked up another pig. He then ascended the ladder, held the pig up to a branch, and allowed it to eat an apple. As the farmer watched, the process was repeated several times until all of the pigs had been fed.

The farmer stepped forward and cleared his throat to get the philosopher’s attention. “Excuse me,” the farmer said, “but isn’t that a very time-consuming way to feed your pigs?”

The philosopher turned to the farmer with a warm and peaceful smile. “Perhaps,” he said. “But what is time to a pig?”